


It's a Wonderful Life

by avengercastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Just angst, M/M, Not Medically Accurate, Pretty much just angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Torture, before the pilot, but not really, no happy ending, to be honest I was too tired for research
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 14:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21649432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengercastiel/pseuds/avengercastiel
Summary: It is Christmas Eve, and Dean is left alone after Sam has left for college.This is a fic inspired by the iconic Christmas film It's a Wonderful Life.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This film really means a lot to me, it's one of my absolute favourites. I felt that the story worked really well with Dean's mindset, so this came to be. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Huge thank you to UnfortunatelyObsessed and KateKarnage7 for taking the time to read this and letting me know how to improve it. You guys are amazing, and your writing is fantastic!
> 
> To Megstiel shippers: there is absolutely no mention of Clarence. Dean has not seen It's a Wonderful Life, and it was not mentioned until season 9, so I saw no point in making any reference to that. Also, I think it's a wonderful connection to that ship and I hope you guys aren't upset about this fic, I just felt that it worked better with Dean

“Bye, Dean. See you tomorrow.” John said as he left the abandoned house.

“I’m sure you won’t” Dean muttered to himself after John had left and the Impala’s engine had faded. He had experienced too many Christmas Days waiting on his Dad to know that he never meant his promise to be there. Especially not this year as Sam had left for college in the summer. Chances are Dad was going to get drunk in a bar, then stay in another town for the next few days like he normally did. Although Dean got lonely, part of him preferred Dad leaving him alone.

Dean moved to look out of the window. The snow was starting to set and Dean thought it would be the perfect white Christmas that most normal people wanted. Not that he cared. Tomorrow was just another day by himself. Part of him felt like he could no longer stand it, and every day it was getting stronger. He felt so hopeless and lost without anyone else to care for but at the same time he felt like caring for people only resulted in them getting hurt. 

Turning from the window, Dean looked at the map of the town that Dad had left behind. He had noticed, and kept being drawn to, a bridge at the edge of town, about 5 minutes away if he walked. It was tall and had rocky waters beneath it. Perfect for Dean’s plan.

***

“Castiel” Zachariah called. Castiel immediately flew to the door of his immaculate office, then knocked and entered the room as a courtesy.

“What is it?” He asked. Zachariah indicated for him to sit down.

“It’s the vessel. He’s planning suicide.” Zachariah said, handing him a file. His face was unusually grave considering he was discussing humans, who Castiel knew he had a distaste for. Castiel read through the file quickly. Dean Winchester was brother of Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood, and son of a hunter and a Man of Letters. He had looked after his brother growing up as well as his father. In 2010, he would say yes to Michael and fight Lucifer, causing Paradise. He had watched Dean grow as a child and knew he was the Righteous Man since the beginning, however he had not previously known just how involved Dean was going to be in the Apocalypse.

“Can’t we just bring him back if he does commit suicide?” Castiel asked neutrally. Although he knew suicide was a terrible thing, considered by some angels to be a sin, part of him was confused about why Zachariah was so worried when there was an easy solution.

“He needs to be whole. Every time we bring someone back they lose a little bit of who they were. Dean Winchester has to be whole so he can sell his soul for Sam.” Zachariah explained patiently. Castiel nodded to show he understood.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, already trying to think of a plan.

“Whatever it takes. Dean Winchester must be saved.” Zachariah told him. Castiel nodded, then stood up to leave. “Also, Castiel, this is your chance to prove your loyalty to Heaven. Completing this task will result in rewards you can’t imagine. Potentially leading the garrison” Zachariah hinted. Castiel nodded, trying to appear neutral, when he felt a surge of desire. All he wanted was to lead his own garrison. He left the room and flew to Earth as quickly as possible, desperate to complete the mission.

***

Dean stared down at the churning waters beneath him. It would be so easy to do it. To let go and fall. But he kept holding on to the railing, unsure of why. It didn’t matter anyway. He had no hope for the future. Sam was gone to college and Dad, well, he spent most of his time hunting or drinking. He barely seemed to notice Dean was alive most days. He knew then that he was going to jump. After all, no one else cared about him, so why should he care for himself?

“Dean” a deep and commanding voice called. He turned and saw a man about his age, dressed in a shabby suit. He looked like he belonged in an office somewhere, not out in the freezing cold. Dean didn’t stop to wonder how the man knew his name, part of him just didn’t care. Dean had found that he had stopped caring about most things recently.

“What do you want?” Dean yelled over the roaring water, slightly angry that the man was interrupting his thoughts. The man didn’t reply, but suddenly he was next to Dean. It was then that he grew suspicious, wondering if the man was a monster or a ghost that was going to trick him into drowning. Before Dean could decide, he intentionally jumped into the water after staring at Dean for a few seconds. 

Dean paused for a moment, wondering if this was a trick. However, he knew he couldn’t take the risk and that the man deserved to live. Dean dived after the man and pulled him out of the water. He then dragged him to the side of the shore and checked to see if he was still breathing. After finding that he was still alive, he heaved the man to his feet and slung his arm over his shoulder so he could carry him to the abandoned house they were squatting in.

***

“Why did you do that?” Dean asked, slightly angry, after wrapping his blanket around the man and starting a fire.

“To save you, of course” the man replied.

“What?” Dean was confused. The man wanted to kill himself to save Dean? That made no sense.

“You would never let someone die. You would do whatever it takes to save someone, including putting all thoughts of suicide aside.” The man told him in a matter of fact manner. Instead of feeling satisfied, Dean’s confusion only increased.

“Who are you?” He asked quietly, but with emphasis on every word. 

“I’m Castiel, your guardian angel. I thought you would have guessed by now.” He stated, still in a monotone voice. Dean felt almost hysterical compared to how calm he was.

“My what? Angels don’t exist.” He told Castiel. There was no way angels could exist, because otherwise they would have saved Mom. “And if they did, shouldn’t they have harps and be on clouds or whatever?” Dean joked, cutting off the train of thought effectively. Castiel looked at him and frowned, then ignored his feeble attempt at a joke.

“Good things do happen Dean.” He told him gently. 

“Not in my experience” Dean replied, for a minute remembering the flames and the scream, the shouting and the door slamming. Sam had been gone about six months, and Dean still felt like a part of him was missing.

“What’s the matter?” Castiel stared at him for a while before widening his eyes as he realised. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Dean didn’t reply, just stared at him with suspicion. Castiel removed the blanket and handed it to Dean, now completely dry. Dean quickly looked from the blanket to Castiel in disbelief.

“Do you believe me now?” Castiel asked. Dean shook his head slowly, still unsure of whether he trusted this being enough to talk. Castiel smiled, then stood up. The lights in the room went out, while lightning began to flash outside. As it did so, behind Castiel, the shadow of what looked like wings flickered against the wall. He sat down again and everything went back to normal. “How about now?” He asked.

“Why would Heaven give a crap about me?” Dean asked, finally finding his voice after a minute of silence. 

“I believe it’s confidential. I can’t give away the big secret.” Castiel told him. 

“Angels keep secrets?” Dean found his voice getting more aggressive. 

“Yes. We are warriors.” Castiel told him. Dean felt his anger being replaced by surprise. He had never believed in angels, not after Mom died, yet if angels were real, he would have expected them to be a lot nicer.

“How are you gonna help me?” Dean found himself asking. 

“We are going to talk. Then I will do whatever I can” Castiel told him. There was a silence that Dean didn’t know how to fill. There was no way he was going to open up to Castiel. He could just imagine Dad sneering at him if he ever told him about this.

“Dean. Why do you want to die?” Castiel asked, snapping Dean back to the present. Dean didn’t say anything for a while as he tried to decide how he was going to answer.  
Eventually he just decided to be honest, for a moment not caring who he opened up to. He pushed Dad to the back of his mind as he spoke.

“Sam left. Dad doesn’t care. I don’t mean anything to anyone. What’s the point of being here? I’m just a waste of space.” Dean said quietly, voicing the things he told himself multiple times a day. It felt good to say them to someone else, to feel like they weren’t weighing him down as much.

“So you want to die?” Castiel asked gently.

“Yes. Well, I more wish I had never been born, I guess.” Dean didn’t look Castiel in the eye as he said this, instead deciding to focus on the floor. He had never told anyone anything like this, and he was unsure of what to do.

“I can show you that.” Castiel told him. Dean felt his eyes widen, surprised at how powerful angels were. Castiel raised his eyebrows, asking him the question. Dean just nodded, feeling that his throat was too tight to speak.

For a moment, nothing changed. Then Dean felt himself move, but he wasn’t sure where he was.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Dean a moment to realise he was in a cemetery. Castiel was standing next to him, his eyes filled with pity. 

“Where am I?” Dean asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

“Lawrence, Kansas” Castiel told him, confirming what part of Dean already knew.

“Where is she?” He asked. Castiel began to walk and Dean followed him without hesitation. It only took them a few minutes to arrive at Mary Winchester’s grave. Part of Dean wanted to walk forward and touch it, talk to his Mom, but something was holding him back. He knew that he couldn’t get any closer because the memories would overwhelm him. 

“She still died” he whispered.

“Yes.” Castiel confirmed. Dean felt tears slip gently down his face and didn’t bother to wipe them away. For some reason, he felt comfortable showing emotion to Castiel when he had tried to hide his feelings from everyone for years.

“Why?” He asked. All he could feel was his chest aching with the knowledge of his loss. He had never seen her grave before, and being confronted by it now brought everything back. He could almost feel the heat from the fire.

“I’m not supposed to tell you.” Castiel told him. Dean glared at him and was surprised to find that he needed to look up at him as he had fallen to his knees. Castiel looked at him deeply for a few moments. “Fine. The demon that killed your mother was there for Sam. In this instance, the only difference your presence made was that you carried Sam to safety. John still rescued him, but Sam had a lot of smoke in his lungs. He only just survived, and after that he was damaged.” 

“How?” Dean asked, feeling anger begin to bubble in his chest, although he wasn’t sure who it was aimed at. Himself, probably. That was who he was most angry with these days.

“His lungs were scarred. He could still hunt, but he would find it difficult to breathe after intense exercise.” Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sam had always been so healthy, Dean remembered watching Sammy play soccer and wondered whether he was still able to do that.

“Is he ok?” Dean asked, concerned. Castiel narrowed his eyes slightly in thought.

“I can show you what happened to Sam, but I don’t think you will like what I have to show you. Actually, I would advise against it.” 

“I don’t care. I need to see Sam.” Dean told Cas bluntly. He had to make sure Sam was okay.

“Very well.” Castiel answered with a sigh, and reached forward to touch his fingers to Dean’s head. However Dean quickly moved away before he could.

“I just wanna stay here for a little while, please.” He explained, his voice breaking slightly at the end. Cas nodded, unsure of what he could do to comfort Dean, who stared at the tombstone for a few minutes longer before speaking so quietly Cas only just heard what he said.

“Is she in Heaven?” He asked, sounding like a child desperate for comfort.

“Yes.” Cas told him truthfully.

“What’s Heaven like?” Dean still sounded like a child, and Cas felt something stir in his chest, although he wasn’t sure what it was. He wondered if this was what emotions felt like.

“It’s more than one thing. Every soul has their own idea of Heaven, which we create for them. Mary’s idea of Paradise is one in which she is with you and Sam, looking after her children.” Cas explained. Dean seemed grateful for the knowledge in spite of the tears still flowing down his face.

“What would your Heaven be like?” Dean found himself asking, although he wasn’t sure why.

“Angels don’t go to Heaven. However, I have a favourite one that I like to visit. It’s a Tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in the bathtub in 1953. He flies a kite, and I find it very peaceful.” Cas said, with a vacant expression and a half smile. In spite of the horrible sight of his mother’s grave in front of him, Dean found himself also relaxing at Castiel’s description.

“That sounds incredibly peaceful.” He said, getting to his feet. Cas nodded, still smiling slightly, which Dean returned before quickly realising that he was staring at Cas without speaking. “I’m ready to see Sam now.” He said, trying to cover the awkwardness. Cas nodded, quickly pressing his fingers to Dean’s forehead. 

Dean had a feeling that the motel room they were now in was familiar in some way, although he couldn’t pinpoint why exactly. Instead, he focused on the young child watching TV in front of him, completely zoned out. Dean remembered how absorbed Sam would get in his cartoons and smiled. Sam then got himself ready for bed, locking the doors and windows and lining them carefully with salt. It was as Sam tucked himself in that Dean noticed the shotgun underneath the bed and the knife underneath his pillow.

“Why does he have those?” Dean asked Castiel. He thought he already knew the answer, but he needed to be told. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing.

“I thought you would know. Without you, John couldn’t hide the truth from Sam and protect him. Sam knew about monsters from a very young age.” Cas said, and Dean felt that there was a hint of regret in his voice. Dean wasn’t surprised that John would do this, but he still felt upset that Sam was forced into the life, especially at such a young age. It was then that Dean recognised the motel.

“Wait. This is the night the Shtriga attacked Sam. Dad only just got here in time and it was my fault.” Dean said with increasing certainty. He wasn’t sure why Cas was showing him this when he knew that Dad would save Sam anyway.

“Almost.” Castiel said. When Dean looked confused, Castiel continued “this was never your fault. You left late into the night, meaning the Shtriga had less time to attack Sam. As John left him alone for a few days the Shtriga had much more opportunity to plan their attack. It was a lot more efficient.” He pointed to the bedroom door and Dean watched as the Shtriga entered.

“Is there anything I can do to stop this?” Dean asked, thinking he probably couldn’t but finding every atom of his being screaming to help Sam.

“No” Castiel confirmed “this is supposed to happen without your presence.” They watched as the Shtriga grabbed Sam and started to suck out his soul, Dean tightening his fists as every urge told him to go forward and kill the horrible thing. Yet he remained where he was, trying to keep calm. This was helped by Cas placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

After the Shtriga had finished eating, Dean was surprised to see it remain where it was. Instead of fleeing, as Dean thought it would, it reached under Sam’s pillow and drew out the knife. The knife was plunged into Sam’s chest too quickly for him to react. All he could do was turn and look at Castiel, feeling as though the breath had been knocked out of him.

“Please Cas, tell me something else good. Tell me about Heaven, anything that isn’t my brother dying.” Dean begged desperately. Cas squinted slightly in confusion.

“This is what you asked for Dean. A world without you is filled with much more horror. Although you don’t think it, you actually saved your brother that night. You did not fail your father, as you seem to believe.” Castiel said quietly. Dean thought his voice sounded sad, although he wasn’t sure angels felt emotions. 

“Please, just tell me something. Anything.” Dean asked, his voice cracking. He kept seeing the knife being plunged into his brother over and over, and was afraid to look at Sam again. He didn’t want to see the lifeless body, especially not when Sam was so young.

“Right.” There was a pause as Castiel considered what to say “You know, I’ve been around a long time. I remember watching the fish climbing on the shore.” Cas told him, his eyes glazing over slightly as he remembered the past. Dean was struck with how old he appeared as it seemed that lines from a life thousands of years long were etched into his face, lines of sorrows and joys untold.

“The fish?” Dean asked, confused about the random direction the conversation took.

“The fish that would later become mankind. I was told by a brother, Gabriel.” Here Castiel smiled fondly “Yes, Gabriel told me not to step on that fish. He held my hand as we watched, and told me there were big plans for that fish.” His smile made his face appear kinder, and Dean felt that he could see the angel as a guardian.

“You were young?” Dean asked him, struggling to think of Cas as young, especially compared to how old he looked now.

“Everyone was young once.” Cas said, his face becoming harder as he remembered Lucifer’s fall and the destruction of youth it caused in Heaven, particularly Gabriel’s departure. Dean watched his face harden and saw just how much of a warrior Castiel could be. 

At that moment, the door swung open and John Winchester entered with his gun raised, but he was far too late. Dean quickly looked away from Cas, feeling embarrassed. John ran to where Sam lay and immediately began to cradle him, already knowing that Sam was dead. Dean watched as John’s face hardened, similar to the way it had once hardened at him that same night. 

“What’s he going to do?” Dean asked Cas, who didn’t answer but instead put his fingers to Dean’s forehead. 

They were now standing at a crossroads, and Dean could see someone digging in the dirt.

“No!” Dean shouted, running forwards as he realised the person was Dad. Cas reached out to stop him, but didn’t grab him in time. It was only when Dean was standing behind his father that he remembered he couldn’t interact with him. In the meantime, John had finished digging and stood up.

“Where are you, you bitch?” John yelled, throwing an empty bottle at the grass.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” A woman asked. Both John and Dean turned to see a young blonde woman in a white dress. John tensed and Dean realised that this woman must resemble Mary. He felt disgust burn in his stomach and wanted to hurt that being any way he could. Then her eyes flickered to a red colour, and Dean realised that John was talking to a demon. Dean felt a flare of hatred that he had never known before, although he wasn’t sure who it was aimed at.

“That bitch!” Dean yelled angrily, wanting to kill the demon. Cas put his hand on his shoulder and held his finger to his lips, indicating that Dean should be quiet. Dean struggled to remain calm so he could hear the conversation.

“I need to make a deal” John said, his words slurring slightly.

“Straight down to business then. I can respect that. Let me guess, you want to sell your soul so little Sammy can live?” She asked. John nodded.

“I get ten years, then I go to the pit.” At this, the woman laughed. John frowned. “It’s the same deal you give everyone else.”

“But you’re not everyone else, John. In your hunt for the yellow eyed demon, you have tortured and exorcised many demons. Did you not think that we would want some revenge?” She told him. John nodded as if he had already known and accepted this.

“Eight years.” John offered.

“No.” The woman replied simply.

“Five.” There was desperation in John’s voice, and the woman seemed to realise it as well.

“You’re lucky you got me, I’m feeling generous. I will bring Sam back, and I will give you ten years.” John’s face melted in relief, however the demon grinned wickedly. “But, you have to do some work for us. We will contact you, and you will complete your instructions with no questions asked. If you fail, Sam dies and we collect your soul immediately.” The woman told him. John didn’t respond, but immediately kissed her.

“What are they doing?” Dean asked Castiel, shocked. 

“It’s how they seal a contract.” Castiel explained. Dean felt disgusted and hoped that he would never have to kiss a demon. As they broke apart, the woman smiled. 

“When you get back, Sammy should be wide awake. We will speak to you soon.” She told John, who immediately ran to his car and drove away. “Don’t expect Sam to be the same though.” She muttered, before disappearing.

“What does that mean?” Dean asked, finding his voice getting louder as he grew concerned.

“When you die, the soul gets damaged and this effect continues when someone comes back from the dead. The person generally gets more angry and violent over time. Of course, this is not something that happens very often so we don’t know the full effect, and after coming back once the effect isn’t too serious.” Castiel explained. 

“Sam” was all Dean found he could say, but Castiel understood. He touched Dean’s forehead gently and where they were standing began to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to UnfortunatelyObsessed and KateKarnage7 for reading this fic and helping me out!
> 
> Also, I have no idea how lungs get damaged by fire and I didn't really research it, so sorry if that detail was incorrect
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

They had arrived back at the motel before John. Sam was laying where he was, still dead. Dean found himself staring at the body, horrified at how small and fragile Sam looked. He felt as though something was gripping his chest tightly, and breathing became difficult. Cas gently touched his shoulder.

“Just breathe. He will come back soon.” Cas reminded him quietly. Dean nodded, trying to breathe in and out slowly. Then, Sam breathed in deeply, as if trying to inhale all the oxygen in the room, and sat up. He looked around frantically for a moment, like he didn’t know where he was. It was then that John entered quietly, clearly hoping that Sam wouldn’t be awake to ask any awkward questions.

“Dad? What happened?” Sam asked as soon as he saw John. Dean heard John quietly curse under his breath.

“What do you remember?” John demanded. Sam paused for a while, thinking hard.

“I went to sleep. Then I felt really cold, but I don’t know why.” Sam said slowly. Dean felt his heart break at how young and innocent he sounded. Sam looked carefully around the room, then noticed that the window was open. He frowned. “I closed the window. I always make sure I lock the window. Why is it open?” He asked John, his face starting to fill with suspicion.

“What do you think?” John asked with the air of a teacher that already knew the answer.

“Something came in. That’s why you looked so worried when you came in.” Sam guessed. Dean was always amazed at how shrewd Sam was, even when he was young.

“You’re gonna make a great hunter, son.” John told him, smiling slightly. Sam beamed in return, clearly happy at the compliment. “Something did come in. The thing I’ve been hunting. It came for you, but I stopped it. Now, we need to leave before folks start asking questions.” John told him. Sam nodded and immediately got up to start packing his bags and get dressed. Dean was shocked at the contrast between with the Sam he knew, who always questioned Dad’s orders, no matter how trivial. It was then that a horrible thought occurred to Dean.

“All the children, did they still die?” He asked. It was his fault that they died the first time around, they left after Sam was attacked. Castiel nodded.

“It was never your fault, Dean.” He said quietly. Dean found part of him believing Cas in spite of himself. 

“What happens next?” Dean asked. The more foolish part of him still hoped that Sam would get to be a kid, but the look on Castiel’s face suggested otherwise.

“John trained him. Hard. Sam became a very skilled hunter at an incredibly young age.” Cas told him, as if it was any consolation. Dean felt an ache at the idea that Sam would never get to be a kid, never get to have the peanut butter and banana sandwiches that he loved.

“But he never got to be a kid.” Dean stated.

“No. I’m afraid you suffered the burden of knowing the truth at a young age so he didn’t have to.” Dean nodded, unsure of how to process what Cas just told him. He was happy to have saved Sam from the misery of hunting, but he still felt a twinge of sadness that he never had the childhood Sam had.

“I have more to show you, if you wish.” Castiel told him, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“What?” Dean asked, not even trying to hide the fear in his voice.

“John Winchester will reap what he has sown.”

***

Dean now found himself sitting in the back seat of the Impala with Cas beside him while John drove.

“Where’s Sam?” Dean asked Cas immediately.

“This is one of John’s solo missions. He is completing the work the demons have asked him to.” Cas told him.

“This is horrible” Dean muttered to himself.

“It is.” Castiel agreed. “As despicable as demons are, once you make a deal with one they do hold up their end of the bargain, meaning the other party has to hold up theirs. Not that I would make a deal, of course.” Cas rushed to say. Dean nodded, feeling a similar unwillingness to make a deal if it meant working for demons.

After a while of driving, they stopped outside a cabin. John got out the car, Dean and Cas doing likewise. John walked to the back of the car, taking out a gun and a knife and stashing them in his pockets. He then walked up to the front door of the cabin and knocked. It was opened by a man who was slightly older than John.

“John. Haven’t seen you in a while.” He commented, looking slightly angry. He folded his arms and pulled the door to. John was clearly unwelcome and he seemed to know it as he stood sheepishly. Dean was quite surprised to see his Dad standing in this way, as he had only ever seen him stand confidently, the way he had learned in the military. He suspected his Dad was acting.

“I’ve been busy. How are you?” John asked politely.

“Fine. I guess you want to come in for a drink?” The man asked, still with a slightly aggressive tone.

“If that’s ok. It’s been a long drive” John continued sounding polite.

“What happened between them?” Dean asked Cas.

“The man is Daniel Elkins. He and your father used to hunt a long time ago. Then, as seems to be common with your father and other hunters, they had an argument. However, their argument was different. It was over a gun.” Cas explained.

“How is that different?” Dean asked. By now, he was getting used to hearing Dad having arguments with other hunters over various reasons. He still missed Bobby Singer, and wished he could talk to him without his Dad knowing.

“This gun was built by Samuel Colt. He built a special gun for hunters, with just twelve bullets. It is rumoured that this gun can kill anything.” Cas told him, and Dean thought he heard a sense of awe in his voice. Dean felt a similar rush.

“Can it?” Dean didn’t try to keep the excitement from his voice. He immediately wanted it, so he could kill the demon and then have a normal life, hopefully reuniting with Sam. All he wanted was his family back to how it was, no matter what.

“No. There are five things it cannot kill.” Cas said. Dean was about to ask what when Cas spoke again. “We should go inside if we want to see what happens.” Dean nodded and Cas quickly moved them inside. 

It was obvious that the men had been fighting. The house was a mess as furniture had been thrown around the room or pushed over, and both men were bleeding, although Elkins was bleeding more profusely. John was holding the knife, his gun having been knocked into the corner of the room. 

“I told ya Elkins, I had to have the gun. Either alive or dead. There’s no point getting yourself killed over this.” John warned him. Elkins grinned, then spat blood.

“If anything’s worth dying over, it’s this. There was a reason I never let you have it, and that’s not going to change now.” 

“What reason?” John asked, anger making his voice sharper.

“You’re too consumed by revenge. Look at what you did to your kid. He’s a great hunter, but he’s only sixteen. He should be at school, kissing girls and worrying about zits. He shouldn’t be in this life. And you did it all so you could kill the demon that killed Mary. But that won’t bring her back.” Elkins explained with equal anger to John.

John paused for a moment, then lunged again. Elkins, with empty hands, did his best to deter the knife from being plunged into his heart, but ultimately John was too strong. As Elkins died, John whispered an apology to him. Dean found himself laughing bitterly.

“What is it?” Castiel asked, squinting his eyes slightly.

“Why would he say sorry? If he was that sorry he wouldn’t have done it.” Dean snapped. He had come to the point in his life where, although he still greatly admired his father, he was able to admit his shortcomings. And Dean knew that if John were truly sorry, he would have found another way. Hell, he could have crept in and stolen the gun while Elkins was out, but he didn’t.

“Remember, he had to. The demons wanted this gun and if John had failed they would have killed both him and Sam, then retrieved the gun themselves.” Castiel explained gently. However, this did little to quell Dean’s anger. Dean stayed silent for a while, trying to calm himself down. He watched John tidy up the room, trying to make it look like he had never been there, then remove the body. He was probably going to give Elkins a hunter’s funeral, which Dean felt was the least that he deserved.

“What do the demons even want with this gun?” He eventually asked. 

“I don’t think I can tell you.” Cas replied quietly.

“Bull.” Dean retorted. Cas sighed heavily, then glanced upwards. He wanted to do this job as well as he could, but he was finding it hard to help Dean without telling him everything. 

“The demons want this gun because of its ability to kill anything. They believe, by possessing it, they will be undefeated.” Cas explained.

“Yeah, I guessed that. Why do they want it now?” Dean asked shortly.

“Because they wish to start the apocalypse.” Cas told him. Dean immediately forgot his anger.

“The apocalypse? This is way above my pay grade.” Dean commented. Castiel stayed silent, remembering the plan he had read in Zachariah’s office. Part of him wanted to tell Dean what was in store for him, but he knew that would involve disobeying. However, not telling Dean felt wrong. He remembered Zachariah’s promise and kept his mouth shut.

“Hey, are you listening?” Dean asked, interrupting Cas from his thoughts of doubt and making him more certain that not telling Dean was the best idea.

“I am now. What did you say?” Cas asked. 

“How are you so calm about all of this? Doesn’t the apocalypse mean a big war for you?” Dean questioned.

“I suppose. But angels were built for war, like I said we are warriors. And we know we will win this war. For one thing, we have our Righteous Man to help us. I guess having lived so long means that death is not quite as frightening to us as it is to humans.” Castiel replied thoughtfully. In his eyes, Dean saw certainty, something Dean hadn’t felt for a while now. Looking at his eyes made Dean feel something intense, something he had not felt for a long time. He ignored it and quickly looked away from Cas before he was staring for too long.

“A Righteous Man? I feel sorry for that guy.” Dean mumbled, staring at the floor. He didn’t notice Cas smiling bitterly as he said this. “So, can we see Sam?” Dean asked quickly.

“You may, but I warn you, you will not like what you will see.” Cas said, the smile wiped from his face. Throughout this process, a part of him felt terrible for showing Dean all these awful things and watching his heart break over and over. He knew that he had to do whatever it took to keep Dean alive, but he still found it difficult.

“I don’t like anything I’ve seen so far. Please, let me see my brother.” Dean told Cas, a pleading tone creeping into his voice. Cas nodded and placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

In ten years Sam had changed a lot. Physically, he had grown a lot taller and seemed to be nearing manhood. But, more importantly, Dean noticed that his face seemed a lot colder and less hopeful than he remembered. He realised he almost couldn’t recognise the face he was now seeing. They were at another motel, not dissimilar to the last one, and John had a bag on his shoulder.

“I’m going away for a while. Look after yourself.” John told him in his typical commanding tone. Dean struggled to recognise any emotion in his father’s face, even though he guessed that this was the last time he would see Sam.

“Yes sir.” Sam said. Dean was surprised to hear how empty Sam’s voice was, and couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him to make him this way, even though he was sure he didn’t want to know. John didn’t say anything, just nodded then closed the door. Sam immediately locked it behind him, then placed salt down. He then put salt on the windows and sat to watch TV. Dean kept watching Sam as hours passed, noticing that Sam’s eyes never seemed to focus on the TV. Instead, they flicked about the room, particularly to the door. Dean remembered doing the exact same thing when he was watching over Sam. 

Sam stayed like that for many hours, only changing to sleep for a few hours, then exercise as the sun came up. Eventually, there was a knock at the door. Sam opened it slightly to Bobby, who looked sympathetic. Although Dean knew it meant the worst for his father, he felt a lurch of happiness to see Bobby again.

“Hey Sam” He said with a rough voice that sounded like he had been either crying or screaming.

“Hey Bobby, come in.” Sam said cheerfully, opening the door widely. Bobby entered and stood on the doorstep, seeming unsure of what to do with himself. “Do you want anything?” Sam asked.

“No, that’s okay son.” Bobby answered. He stared around the room, avoiding eye contact.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked with suspicion. 

“It’s your Dad. He’s gone.” Bobby told him. Sam looked at him with disbelief.

“That’s impossible. Nothing can kill Dad. Nothing.” He said angrily. Bobby held his hands up in submission.

“All I know is he phoned me about an hour ago, told me hellhounds were coming for him. I got there as soon as I could, but it was too late. He told me where to find you, so now   
I’m here.” Bobby explained. 

“Hellhounds? Did Dad sell his soul?” Sam asked, with a hint of disgust.

“Seems most likely.” Bobby answered quietly.

“Why would he do that?” Sam yelled. 

“Hey son, it’s okay.” Bobby reached out his hand as if to put it on Sam’s shoulder, but Sam instead moved in for a hug. Bobby didn’t hesitate before returning the hug. “I brought his body in case you wanted to do a hunter’s funeral.” Bobby whispered. Sam nodded against Bobby’s shirt.

“You bring anything to drink as well?” Sam asked, quickly releasing Bobby. Dean noticed his voice sounded empty, as if he had already accepted what had happened. Sam wiped his face, although Dean hadn’t noticed any tears.

“Way ahead of you there.” Bobby answered, pulling a bottle of whisky out of his bag. Sam went over to the cupboard and got a couple of glasses out, and they sat in silence drinking for a while.

“Cas, how does Sammy know that hellhounds mean you’ve sold your soul? We never learnt anything like that as a kid.” Dean asked, still struggling with the concept of hellhounds actually existing. Dad had told them some stories when he was younger, and of course he had heard the blues music, but he thought they were a myth.

“Sam’s training was a lot more rigorous than yours. Plus, as John knew what was coming for him, I believe it was likely that he made sure Sam knew exactly what happened to cause his death. He probably didn’t want to be brought back.” Castiel said thoughtfully. Dean stayed silent, considering how much harder Sam’s childhood must have been than the one Dean had tried to give him. Meanwhile, Castiel was remembering the plan for Dean, knowing that he would soon be selling his own soul for Sam, much like John. He was finding it difficult not to tell Dean the whole plan, although he doubted that Dean knowing anything would change the future. If he had learned one thing, it was that fate was certain as he had seen it time and time again. He reminded himself quietly of the reward of completing this job well, and the punishment he would likely get if he failed, which strengthened his resolve slightly.

“Bobby, why would Dad make the deal?” Sam said, much calmer this time. Bobby thought carefully for a while before speaking.

“I don’t know for sure. Anything happen ten years ago? It would have to be exact.” Sam shrugged, then thought carefully.

“I think there was an incident involving a Shtriga. I’m not sure what happened though because I was asleep and Dad never told me any details.” Sam explained. Bobby frowned.

“How did you feel when you woke up? Any different?” He asked.

“I’m not sure, I think I felt like I didn’t have enough air in my lungs no matter how deep I was breathing. Then after I felt really angry, which I just channelled into hunting, like Dad did.” Sam explained. Bobby sighed.

“That’s what I was worried about. John mentioned you might be a bit different after something ten years ago, and I think you might have died. Chances are John sold his soul to bring you back. However, I doubt that he just sold his soul. Most people get ten years standard, but your Dad ain’t most people. What concerns me most is what he did to sweeten the pot.” Bobby explained carefully, trying to keep his voice steady. Sam breathed shakily and ran his hands through his hair.

“Why would Dad never tell me that? Didn’t he think it might be important for me to know that I died?” Sam stood up, starting to yell. Bobby looked up at him but didn’t move. Dean found himself agreeing with Sam.

“I know you’re angry son, but it ain’t my fault. No use yelling at me.” Bobby said calmly. Sam took another deep breath. 

“I know, sorry Bobby. Thank you for telling me.” Sam replied, sitting down heavily and slumping in his chair. Bobby nodded in response, sipping his drink. 

“What happened next?” Dean asked, preparing for the worst. Cas frowned slightly.

“Have you not seen enough? Don’t you realise that your life is worth living? If not for you, for your family?” Cas asked. Dean nodded.

“I just wanna make sure Sammy’s ok.” Dean mumbled.

“I don’t think I can tell you Dean, it conflicts too much with your future.” Cas explained apologetically.

“I don’t care. I have to know. He’s my brother.” Dean answered with rising anger.

“Don’t you understand? It is not just you that this affects. You could change history completely just by knowing one single moment. The risks are far too high.” Castiel explained. What he didn’t say was how much trouble this would get him into in Heaven, as telling Dean everything would probably result in the same punishment as Gadreel at best. Cas did not want to even consider the worst. 

“Please.” Dean said in a pleading tone. Castiel’s face softened slightly. 

“Dean” was all he said before looking closely at his face. Cas could see all the sadness and fear for his family. He focused further and saw how already damaged his soul was, and understood that his soul would only become more damaged over time. He remembered watching Dean laugh as a child, watching him play with Sam, and felt so much for the first time. Then he thought about Heaven, and the reward, and realised that he cared more about Dean’s wellbeing than what they would inevitably do to him. “Very well. But we must go somewhere else. Somewhere quieter.” He said with a last glance towards the sky, before placing his hand gently on Dean’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my headcanons is that Dean prefers to watch things rather than read because it's a lot easier to focus on something else while watching something. That is why I included the detail about Dean constantly looking around when he was watching Sam.


	5. Chapter 5

They landed in a shabby warehouse and, before Dean could get his bearings, Castiel pulled a sleek silver blade out from his trench coat and deftly cut his hand, then began painting the walls with the blood. 

“What are you doing?” Dean asked. Cas remained silent until he had finished, then turned to face Dean.

“Heaven shouldn’t be able to hear us now. I doubt they are listening anyway, but I believe that precaution is necessary.” He told him.

“Why does it matter if Heaven is listening?” Dean asked. Although Cas gave him the impression that angels were not the beings with wings and a harp he had previously assumed, it was still unsettling that Heaven was something to hide from.

“What I am about to do is disobeying. I would prefer you not to tell my superiors as this will cause trouble for both of us. Especially me.” Cas explained, his voice still calm. Meanwhile, Dean felt his confusion rise at the idea of Heaven punishing them.

“I thought Hell was supposed to punish people, not Heaven.” Dean thought out loud.

“I’m afraid you were wrong. However, we don’t have much time so I believe we should table this discussion for another time.” Dean nodded. “What do you want to know?” Castiel asked.

“What happened to Sam? What is going to happen to Sam?” Dean asked in one breath. 

“Firstly, I will explain what happened to Sam in the timeline without you in it. This may trouble you.” Castiel warned.

“I don’t care, I have to know.” Dean said with more assertiveness than he felt. Castiel nodded, then continued speaking, his fear of disobeying gone.

“After John died, Sam continued to hunt, preferring to work alone. At the age of 23, he started developing powers that meant he had visions. He found out that he belonged to a group of people that were all fed demon blood as a child.” 

“What?” Dean interrupted, unable to contain his disgust and surprise. Castiel frowned at him slightly for interrupting.

“The idea behind creating these individuals was so that one of them could lead an army. Sam was involved in a free for all and won, quite easily. He was then manipulated by the Yellow Eyed Demon into opening a Gate to Hell. Bobby and another hunter managed to stop it, but hundreds of demons escaped, including one named Ruby. She manipulated Sam into drinking more demon blood and furthering his psychic abilities, which resulted in him freeing Lucifer. Sam was then forced to become Lucifer’s vessel and help bring about the Apocalypse. Are you okay?” Cas broke off at the look on Dean’s face. It was an odd mixture of many emotions, something that Cas couldn’t quite understand. He had watched humans for a long time as part of the garrison, and the depth of feeling that they experienced was perplexing. 

“I’m fine, I just need a minute to process all this information.” Dean answered, rubbing his slightly aching head with his hands. He felt like his heart was pounding, and all he wanted was to actually see Sam and talk to him so they could avoid any chance at this future. Cas waited in silence until Dean looked up again.

“So what’s different in this timeline?” He eventually asked, feeling more like finding out was an obligation rather than a desire.

“Well, obviously, John Winchester does not die so early. When you are 26, he leaves on a hunt and disappears. You go to find Sam at college and he is dating a woman named Jessica Moore. He goes on a hunt with you and finds Jessica dead when he gets to college. He then continues to hunt with you. You come close to catching the demon that killed your mother, but the demon causes a car crash that you nearly die in. To save you, John sells his soul and dies immediately. Meanwhile, Sam’s powers still develop and he is still forced to kill other psychics. However, Sam dies instead of winning. You then sell your soul for him and live for one year. While you are in Hell, Sam grows to trust the demon Ruby and ends up being addicted to demon blood, resulting in him freeing Lucifer. You are rescued from Hell by us. You are the vessel of Michael, while Sam is the vessel of Lucifer, and both of you bring about the apocalypse.” Castiel told him, trying to speak as quickly as he could. While he was talking, he kept looking around the warehouse and making sure the sigil was still intact. If Heaven found out even one thing that he had just told Dean, the retribution would be terrible.

“No.” Dean said firmly.

“Sorry?” Cas asked, confused.

“It won’t happen. I know what’s going to happen, so it’s simple. I’ll leave Sam at college and do whatever I can to avoid that.” Dean said with certainty.

“You can’t rewrite your fate, Dean. I’m sorry, but it has been written.” Castiel replied with equal certainty. As much as he did not want Dean to have to go through his destiny, the plan had been written since the beginning of time. Only God could change that.

“That’s crap. You always have a choice.” Dean told him. Castiel looked apologetic.

“I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry. I think it’s best for you to be aware of what’s in store for you, because I do not envy the responsibility you face.”

“Isn’t blissful ignorance better?” Dean asked bitterly.

“You asked for the information, Dean.” Cas told him calmly.

“Why did you tell me?” Dean demanded.

“Because I want to do everything I can for you! You are the Righteous Man, Michael’s Sword, and I only wish for you to remain safe and well.” Castiel exploded, then instantly seemed to regret what he said. He stared at the floor pointedly.

“What does that mean?” Dean asked gently, looking Cas in the eye to make sure he had eye contact. Cas looked Dean in the eye for a while, then sighed heavily.

“In Heaven, we always knew it was going to end with you and Sam. Since you were children, we have watched you. I have always admired the selflessness you showed towards Sam and the bravery you showed when dealing with your job. You are loyal and strong, and do not deserve anything you face.” Castiel explained gently. Dean stepped closer to him and gently placed a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Cas, it’s ok. I’m sorry, I never thought I meant that much to Heaven. Or to anyone, really.” Dean said sadly. Cas looked at him with pity and sadness.

“I wish you did not feel that way Dean. I would do anything to change it.” Cas told him. Dean smiled gently.

“Thank you.” He replied. They stared at each other softly, and Dean was surprised to find himself leaning in slightly. Dean was close to being able to touch his nose to Castiel’s when there was a cough from behind them.

“Castiel. You are in so much trouble.”


	6. Chapter 6

Dean felt Cas tense underneath his hands. Cas quickly stepped away from Dean like he had given him an electric shock. Dean turned to see a nearly bald man in a suit staring at him with revulsion.

“Who are you?” Dean asked, feeling slightly scared at Castiel’s reaction.

“Dean, this is Zachariah. He is my superior.” Castiel told Dean stiffly. His tone of voice was cold, greatly contrasting the gentleness that he had spoken with previously. Zachariah’s presence was intimidating, like a cold chill had spread into the room.

“Dean. Nice to finally meet you. I need to chat with Castiel here for a while.” Zachariah said, glaring at Castiel.

“I will be there in a minute. I wish to chat with Dean.” Cas told Zachariah firmly. For the first time since seeing the wings, Dean felt he could believe Cas was a powerful angel. Zachariah laughed bitterly.

“I think you’ve done enough chatting.” He replied, clearly disgusted with Dean, who was trying to stay as quiet as he possibly could. Dean wanted nothing more than to disappear entirely, rather than seeing the wrath of this angel. He immediately did not like Zachariah.

“This is different. You can listen to us if you want to.” Cas sounded like he didn’t care.

“Fine. Go ahead. Just remember, you will be punished.” Zachariah sneered. Cas didn’t say anything, just boldly stared at him until he left. After he did so, with what Dean felt was an unnecessarily loud flap of wings, Cas quickly turned to Dean and grabbed his arms.

“Hey, what you doing?” Dean tried asking, but Cas spoke over him quickly.

“We don’t have much time and I need to say this. What you have been shown, I believe it has persuaded you that you must live for your family. I’m afraid that’s all I have been able to show you, and I don’t think I have fully achieved my aim.” Dean didn’t say anything in reply, just staring wildly at Cas. Somehow, he managed to summarise his thoughts perfectly. Dean had to live so that Sammy would get to be a kid and would stay protected. Even though he had left, Dean would make sure he looked after him even if it was the last thing he did.

“Dean, it is important that you remember this, no matter what happens. Life is worth living for you. Yes, it helps to find a purpose in caring for people, but ultimately your satisfaction is the most important. Please try to remember this.” Cas told him. Dean nodded, even though he wasn’t sure he understood what Cas was saying.

“Ok” Dean replied, the word tumbling out of his dry throat. His voice felt croaky, like he hadn’t used it for days. Cas nodded.

“I am glad that you know this.” Cas replied, before raising his head to look at the sky. “Zachariah, I am ready now.” Before he disappeared, Cas turned to look back to Dean. “Merry Christmas Dean.” He said, the words Dean normally found empty somehow coming to life.

“You too” was all Dean was able to say before Cas left. It was then that he realised he was in an abandoned warehouse, potentially in another timeline, without any way of getting back. He waited, unsure of what else he could do.

***

“Castiel. You dare defy your father in this way?” Zachariah questioned him angrily.

“Why can’t we tell him the plan? It is certain. He can’t change that.” Cas argued, trying to remain calm and logical. Zachariah huffed in response.

“I did not just mean that. You were nearly kissing that… maggot!” Zachariah’s face was screwed up as if the idea of touching a human was revolting to him. Part of Cas could understand his disgust as angels believed laying with humans was atrocious, but Cas couldn’t deny the attraction that he felt towards Dean. It was more than anything physical, it was as if Dean’s soul cried out to him. 

“And?” Cas asked calmly, aware of how dangerous this was to say. Yet part of him was tired of Heaven’s constant orders and demand for unquestioning obedience, particularly when the orders made little sense.

“And? It is disgusting, it is degrading. Do you really want to be with him?” Zachariah shouted.

“I want to protect Dean. That is our goal, is it not? The vessel needs to be perfect until he sells his soul.” Cas explained, trying to sound distanced.

“So you will still allow that?” Zachariah asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes. It is part of Father’s plan. I would never destroy that.” Castiel reassured, sounding more certain than he felt. Part of him was crying out to run, find Dean and do anything he could to change the future. However, he knew logically that Heaven was too powerful, and there was no chance that he would succeed.

“I wish I could believe you Castiel. Unfortunately, I can’t.” Zachariah told him, with no emotion.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked, dreading the answer.

“Hello Castiel.” A familiar voice said from behind him. He turned around to face her. 

“Naomi.” He turned back to Zachariah. “What are you going to do to me?” He asked.

“Nothing we haven’t done before.” Naomi said. Although her voice remained calm, Cas thought he saw a sense of excitement in her eyes. Cas turned frantically, trying to find any way out, but both Zachariah and Naomi had closed in on him, pinning him down to a chair. Naomi produced a drill, which she began forcing into Castiel’s eye.

No one in Heaven heard his screams, or if they did they ignored them.

***

Dean had waited for what felt like years, when he suddenly heard the sound of wings that was becoming familiar, and he turned to see Castiel standing there.

“Cas, thank God you’re okay.” Dean said, rushing over to him.

“Dean. I believe I have fulfilled my mission.” Dean stopped dead at how emotionless Castiel’s voice was.

“What did they do to you?” Dean asked, feeling a sense of dread.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Castiel said.

“Cas, what happened? One minute we were… close, then the next minute you left for Heaven. I was waiting here for hours!” Dean explained, feeling the suspicion increase.

“Nothing. I was reminded of my place in Heaven.” Cas told him. As he spoke, blood began to gently trickle from one of his eyes, which Cas wiped away as if it was nothing. Dean began to step away from Castiel slowly. 

“Ok. If you could just take me back, that’s enough. Thank you for everything.” Dean spoke slowly, trying to sound as calm as possible. He didn’t know this new Castiel and wanted to be away from him as soon as possible.

“Of course.” Castiel responded, stepping forward and placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean felt the now familiar sensation of being transported, and found himself back on the bridge. He looked down into the waters.

“You have taught me a lot, Cas. I’ll never forget it. Any of it.” Dean told him. He hoped Cas picked up on his hint that he would always remember what his future held. Cas nodded, and Dean felt that he did understand.

“Although, my superiors can’t allow you to remember. The plan must remain intact.” Cas said with a cold tone that surprised Dean. He sounded nothing like the angel that had originally shown him what he should live for.

“What are you-?” Dean started, but Castiel quickly pressed his fingers to Dean’s forehead before he could continue. He efficiently erased all memories of what had passed from Dean’s mind, as well as the suicidal thoughts. All Dean would remember was being in this town, his father leaving, and then going to sleep.

“I’m sorry” Cas whispered, feeling a liquid lightly touch his cheek, although he couldn’t tell whether it was blood or tears. Once he had finished, he hastily transported Dean back to the abandoned house he was staying in and flew back to Heaven. He wanted to stay with Dean, but he knew that he had to go to Heaven and obey his orders.

“Well done for doing that. There is one more thing you must do.” Naomi told him as he arrived.

“Anything. What is it?” Castiel asked.

“You must also forget everything that happened here.” She replied, drawing out her drill again. This time, the screams were fewer as Castiel knew that Naomi was doing it for the good of Heaven. He was willing to do anything that Heaven commanded.

***

When Dean woke up, he knew something important was missing. He spent hours trying to think of it, trying to remember what he did last night, but he couldn’t remember a single thing. In the end, he decided he probably got too drunk and gave up. Instead, he went to look out the window at the fresh snow on the ground, and smiled hollowly at the memory of Sam making snow angels.

Dean reached down into his pocket and took out his phone, wanting to call Sam. However, he knew that Sam probably would have changed his phone after he left to stop Dad tracking him down. Dad had also taken the Impala when he left on his hunt, so Dean was stranded. In the end, he made himself a bowl of the cereal that he had bought the previous day and sat watching the sun pass in the sky.

He kept trying to ignore how devoid of joy this Christmas was without Sam here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very very big thank you to UnfortunatelyObsessed and KateKarnage7 for beta reading! You guys are absolutely amazing and I am so grateful to you both. You worked very hard with a short deadline and I appreciate it so so much.
> 
> This fic is quite a big deal for me because it is the longest thing I have ever written. Normally, I struggle with long stories as I can't seem to keep concentrating on them. So this fic is quite important to me :)
> 
> Thank you for reading! My tumblr is rebel-castiel if you wanna come say hi

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you feel a need to shout at me and are too shy on here my tumblr is rebel-castiel


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